MASH: What If?
by Black Scarab
Summary: M*A*S*H was a show that ran for 11 seasons. That was based on a film that was based on a book. There were many different directions the show could have taken. In the vein of Marvel's What If...? comics, I am going to do M*A*S*H What If...? stories.
1. What If Henry Blake Had Lived?

M*A*S*H: What If... Henry Blake had lived?

_August, 1952: 4077th M*A*S*H, Korea._

Hawkeye Pierce sat in his tent with his best friend, Trapper John McIntyre. He poured a martini out of the still and passed it to Trapper before making one for himself.

"Do you hear that, Trap?" Hawkeye asked.

"No." Trapper replied.

"Exactly, Frank isn't here! He's in his own tent, he might be commanding officer, but at least we don't have to live with him!" Hawkeye said, smiling. "I'll get to go on R&R in a few days too!"

"You sure live the good life, Hawk." Trapper said.

Suddenly a rapid knock came on the door. Hawkeye stood up and opened it, revealing Corporal Radar O'Reilly holding the mailbag.

"Mail call!" Radar shouted. "Got a few letters for Dr. McIntyre, a nudist magazine for Dr. Pierce and oh!"

"What is it?" Hawkeye and Trapper asked.

"It's a letter addressed to the both of you, and Major Burns, and Major Houlihan, and me!" Radar shouted.

"Who's it from?" Trapper asked.

"Mr. Henry Braymore Blake, of Bloomington, Illinois." Radar said, grinning.

"The former Lieutenant Colonel?" Hawkeye asked.

"The very same!" Radar said.

"Oh boy!" Trapper said. "We haven't heard from him since he got out of this place!"

"Radar, go to get Frank and Hot Lips and have them meet us in the office." Hawkeye said. "I'd open it here but Frank would have a fit for me opening his mail."

Later, the group sat in what used to be Henry's but now was Frank's office. Radar opened the envelope and took the letter out.

"Let me see that, Corporal!" Frank said.

"Hey, it's addressed to me too! I have every right to look at it first!" Radar said.

"Don't get smart with me, Corporal or I'll have you busted back to Civilian!" Frank said.

"Read the letter, Radar!" Hawkeye said.

"Okay." Radar said. "Ahem!"

"Get on with it!" Hot Lips shouted.

"I am, I am!" Radar said. "Dear Doctors and Radar, It's Former Colonel Blake. I got home last week and wanted to write you about how life is back in the states. The plane ride was bumpy, but once I saw my wife and kids waiting for me at the terminal in Bloomington, the past few years slipped away. It was like I never left. I do want to say that I do miss you guys, but I wish we had met under better circumstances. I know I left you guys with what I told you, but I just want to say how wonderful you guys were, and I hope that you continue the 97% casualty survival rate that we got together. Abyssinia, Lt. Colonel Henry Blake."

"Good old, Henry. I really do miss him. But I guess his family probably missed him more." Hawkeye said.

"Can't wait til I get to go home." Trapper said. "See my wife and kids again."

"But if you leave who's going to drive me home from the war?" Hawkeye asked.

"Shut it, Pierce. If the letter's over, you can all get out of my office!" Frank shouted.

As Hawkeye, Trapper and Radar began to leave, Frank grabbed Radar's shoulder.

"Not you, Corporal, you have files to refile." Frank said.

"But I refiled them yesterday, sir." Radar said.

"Well, do it again!" Frank shouted.

"I hope you get sent home next..." Radar muttered.

"What was that, Corporal?" Frank asked.

"Oh, nothing sir..." Radar replied.

_**The End.**_


	2. What If Duke Forrest was at the 4077th?

M*A*S*H: What If... Duke Forrest had been assigned to the 4077th.

Colonel Henry Blake sat in his office when Radar opened the door.

"What is it Radar?" he asked.

"Phone sir, it's General Hammond!" Radar replied.

"Oh!" Colonel Blake fumbled with the phone and picked it up. "Hello sir! How are you?"

"Good. Listen, Henry, I have an important announcement for you. I know that you're sometimes short on surgeons, so I'm assigning you a new surgeon. Captain Duke Forrest." General Hammond said.

"Well, thanks General. That's mighty nice of you to do." Henry said.

"The only hitch is that he'll be stopping at the 121st Evac, and I can't send a jeep to you, so you'll have to send a jeep to him."

"No problem sir, I'll get Radar right on it." Henry said

"Great. Good day, Henry." General Hammond said, hanging up the phone.

"You too, General." Henry said. "Radar!"

"I've already called for the jeep." Radar said.

"Call for a jeep!" Henry said.

"And I'll tell The Swamp that they're getting a new tent mate." Radar said.

"And tell The Swamp they're getting a new tent mate!" Henry said.

Radar walked to The Swamp and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Hawkeye shouted.

"Captains Pierce, McIntyre, and Major Burns, you're getting a new tent mate!" Radar said.

"No kidding, who is he?" Hawkeye asked.

"Captain Duke Forrest." Radar said.

"Maybe he'll be a sane person." Frank said. "Unlike you two scum."

"I somehow doubt that." Trapper said.

"Anyway, I'm going to pick him up now." Radar said.

"I'll go with you. I want to meet this guy first." Hawkeye said.

Hawkeye and Radar pulled up to the 121st Evac and Hawkeye hopped out of the jeep. He looked around and saw a man with bags in his arms. He walked up to him.

"Captain Forrest?" Hawkeye asked.

"Just call me Duke," the man said in a southern drawl.

"You can call me Hawkeye, I'm from the 4077th."

"Oh good. They told me they'd send a driver." Duke said.

"Yeah, he's over there." Hawkeye said as they started walking to the jeep. "Duke Forrest, Corporal Radar O'Reilly."

"Nice to meet you, sir." Radar said.

"Nice to meet you too, Radar." Duke said. "Let's get to the camp, I'm mighty tired."

"Hear that Radar? To The Swamp!" Hawkeye shouted. Duke and Hawkeye climbed in the jeep and they started to drive off.

"So, where are you from, Duke?" Hawkeye asked.

"Forrest City, Georgia." Duke Forrest said. "You?"

"Crabapple Cove, Maine." Hawkeye said.

"How about you, uh... Radar was it?" Duke asked.

"Ottumwa, Iowa, sir." Radar replied.

"Two Yankees..." Duke said. "This is going to be fun..."

The jeep drove onto the 4077th M*A*S*H site and Radar stopped it in front of Colonel Blake's office. Colonel Blake stepped out of the office and walked up to the jeep.

"Captain Forrest?" Henry asked. "I'm Colonel Henry Blake."

"Just call me Duke, Colonel." Duke said.

"Duke it is." Henry said. "I'm looking forward to working with you."

"Thanks, Colonel." Duke said.

"Hawkeye, show him to the Swamp. And Radar, get his bags." Henry said after Radar picked up the bags out of the jeep.

"Gladly." Hawkeye said.

They walked into The Swamp and Trapper sat up on the bed. Radar dropped the bag next to the spare cot and Duke sat down.

"Duke, I presume?" Trapper asked.

"You presume right, Yankee." Duke said. "Say, is that a still over there?"

"Pride and joy of the swamp." Trapper said.

The door opened and Frank and Margaret walked in.

"Captain Forrest, I'm Major Burns and this is Major Houlihan." Frank said.

"But you can call them Ferret Face and Hot Lips." Hawkeye said.

"Quiet, Pierce!" Frank said.

"Hot Lips, eh?" Duke asked. "How bout you tell me how you got that nickname, say after dinner in your tent?"

"Why you! I'm a Major and you'll treat me as such!" Margaret huffed and stormed out, with Frank following her.

"Major tease, that's what she is." Duke laughed and Hawkeye and Trapper laughed along.

Later, in the O.R., the doctors and nurses were operating on patients. Father Mulcahy was giving last rites to a soldier who didn't make it in the corner.

"Nurse, let me have a long needle holder." Trapper said.

"Hey, Father! Father, I want you over here to hold this clamp." Duke said.

"I'm a little busy right now." Father Mulcahy said, motioning to the dead soldier.

"Now! Please, come on, now!" Duke shouted.

"Fine..." Father Mulcahy said, walking to the table Duke was operating at.

"I'm sorry, Father, but this man is still alive and that other man is dead, and that's a fact. Can you hold it with two fingers, Father?" Duke said.

"Sure..." Father Mulcahy sighed.

Father Mulcahy, Margaret and Frank Burns stood in Colonel Blake's office as Colonel Blake sighed.

"What's the problem again?" Henry asked.

"It's that new surgeon, Captain Forrest!" Father Mulcahy said. "He's a menace!"

"Couldn't have put it better myself, Father!" Frank said.

"What has he really done?" Henry asked.

"He's ruined my services by complaining that I'm not a Protestant preacher!" Father Mulcahy said.

"He's just pointing out his faith..." Henry said.

"And he's made passes at all my nurses! Even the married ones!" Margaret said.

"Come on, Major. Even Hawkeye and Trapper do that." Henry said.

"And the pranks have escalated! He stole my underwear and hung my picture of my wife on the flagpole!" Frank said. "And that's just today!"

"Well, I understand your complaints, but we'd be short staffed without him, and surgery has been going faster and better with him around!" Henry said.

"If you don't do something, I'll go over your head!" Margaret said.

"I've told you before, you've gone over my head so many times that I have bootmarks on my forehead." Henry said. "Unless he proves to be a threat, he's not getting transferred!"

The three of them walked out of the office and frowned.

"What do we do now?" Frank asked. "Anything to suggest, Father?"

"Prayer." Father Mulcahy said, passing his bible to Frank. "Because we haven't got one..."

_**The End.**_


	3. What If Colonel Potter Died In Korea?

M*A*S*H: What If... Colonel Potter Died Before The War Ended?

Radar ran into The Swamp and shook Hawkeye awake. Hawkeye sat up groggily and looked up at Radar.

"Radar, I'm trying to sleep. Unless there are choppers out there, I don't want to be woken up until the next war." Hawkeye said.

"It's Colonel Potter." Radar said.

"What does he need?" Hawkeye asked.

"I went to go wake him up, and... he won't wake up." Radar said, on the verge of tears.

"Oh god." Hawkeye said, getting up and grabbing his robe as he ran out of the tent.

Hawkeye stood over Potter and started to check him over. His head dropped and he knelt next to the bed.

"Go get everyone." Hawkeye said.

"He's..." Radar started.

"Get everyone here, on the double!" Hawkeye said and Radar ran out of the tent.

Radar returned with B.J., Charles, Margaret, Father Mulcahy and Klinger.

"What's the big idea getting us up this early?" Margaret asked.

"He's dead." Hawkeye said.

"What?" B.J. asked.

"He's dead!" Hawkeye said louder.

"Oh my god..." Father Mulcahy said.

"How?" Margaret asked.

"Must've gone in his sleep." Hawkeye said, with tears in his eyes. "Radar, get on the phone to I-Corps. Tell them... that Colonel Potter... passed away."

The group sat in Colonel Potter's tent, after they had moved his body to Post-Op. Charles was the first to speak up.

"While, I would normally take relish in gaining command of this camp, I do not believe that I am a suitable replacement for Colonel Potter. Therefore, until I-Corps tells us differently, I want you to be in command, Pierce." Charles said.

"I can't do that. I don't want to be in command." Hawkeye said.

"Someone has to." B.J. said. "And it's gotta be one of you."

"Fine. I'll do it." Hawkeye said. "That's probably what he would've wanted, right?"

"About the funeral arrangements. I know we're sending his body back to Mrs. Potter, but I was hoping we could do something to celebrate his life here." Father Mulcahy said. "Perhaps you guys could come up with a eulogy for it."

"Yeah, we'll do that Father." Margaret said. "Such a sweet man. I can't believe he's gone."

"Do we know the cause yet?" Klinger asked.

"Not yet." B.J. said.

"I'm going to miss him." Radar said.

"We all are, Radar. We all are." Margaret said.

Father Mulcahy stood at his make shift pulpit, looking out at the mess tent, one of the only times the entire camp showed up to one of his services.

"Hello everyone. We are gathered here today, to mourn the loss of another commanding officer of this unit. But unlike Lieutenant Colonel Blake, Colonel Potter died of natural causes. I don't think that I'll ever be able to hear anyone call me _Padre_ again without hearing his voice. If any of you would like to say a few words about our beloved Colonel, the pulpit is yours." Father Mulcahy said.

Hawkeye walked up to the podium, in his full dress uniform, out of respect for the Regular Army Colonel they were having the service for.

"Colonel Sherman T. Potter, what can I say about him? When he first arrived, I was intending to just carry on as I had with Henry. As long as Frank wasn't in command, I was happy. But... Colonel Potter was regular army, and he wasn't in the mood for shenanigans. Potter was a fantastic surgeon and an even better guy. He was the grandfather that we all wish we had. I still remember, the first time he saw the still, I thought he was going to do what Frank did with it that time Henry was transferred to Tokyo. Frank took the still, but Potter, he told us how to improve it's yield." Hawkeye laughed. "Godspeed, Sherman."

Hawkeye sat down and Margaret walked up to the pulpit, wiping tears away from her eyes. She looked out at everyone and started sobbing. B.J. walked up and walked her back to her seat. Charles replaced her at the pulpit.

"My relationship with Colonel Potter has been a troubled one. We have never saw eye to eye, but he was a capable officer and his surgical skills were unmatched. At first glance he seemed like an old codger who's only expletives are something to the like of "cow cookies" or "mule fritters". But he was so much more. And while I never thought I'd say this, I'm going to miss him." Charles said.

Later Hawkeye was sitting at the C.O.'s desk in his robe, while Klinger was helping box Potter's effects from the office. Radar ran into the office.

"Hawkeye! There's a call from I-Corps for you!" Radar shouted.

"Tell them I'm not here." Hawkeye said.

"Hawkeye!"

"Fine, fine." Hawkeye said, picking the phone up. "Hello?"

"Yes, is this the commanding officer of the 4077th M*A*S*H?"

"Yeah. I'm Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce. May I ask who's speaking?"

"Brigadier General Barker. I have been made aware that your C.O. has passed away." Barker said. "You have my condolences."

"Thanks."

"Anyway, the fact of the matter is figuring out who gets permanent command of the unit. Now, I have on record that the highest ranking officer there is a Major Winchester."

"Yeah. That's correct."

"Then why is he not in command?"

"He didn't want to be in command. Plus, I'm Chief Surgeon. It just made sense at the time."

"I want to ask you, in your honest opinion, does the 4077th need an outside commander, like we did with bringing in Colonel Potter to replace that horse's ass Frank Burns?"

"I think we can manage on our own."

"Then I guess you're staying in command then."

"I guess so."

"Good luck, Captain Pierce."

"Thanks."

_**The End**_


	4. What If Hawkeye met Trapper John MD?

M*A*S*H: What If... Hawkeye waited 30 years to meet up with Trapper after the war?

_(Note, this is in continuity with Trapper John M.D. Not that I don't consider it canon normally, just that I wanted to write Hawkeye meeting Trapper played by Pernell Roberts)_

Dr. John Francis Xavier "Trapper John" McIntyre sat in his office at San Francisco Memorial Hospital. He turned to the pictures on the wall, of the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital that he spent his time at after being drafted during the Korean War. But that was almost 30 years ago. He was now the Chief of Surgery at San Francisco Memorial, and he was now doing the highly regarded task of paperwork.

"Didn't have paperwork in Korea..." he mused. His intercom beeped.

"Dr. McIntyre, there's a man here to see you." the voice on the other side said.

"Who is he?" Trapper asked. "Does he have an appointment?"

"He won't say his name. All he's told me is that he's the Pro from Dover."

"Pro from Dover?" Trapper asked, as his face dawned with realization. "Send him in."

"Okay, doctor."

The door to Trapper's office opened and a man in a suit walked in. He was balding and had gray hair.

"Excuse me sir, do you know if I can find a dry martini around here?" the man asked.

"I can't believe it took you thirty years." Trapper said.

"I can't believe you didn't leave a note." the man said.

"Hello, Hawkeye." Trapper said.

"Trapper John McIntyre! It is you, the only man in history who ever took a piece in the ladies' can of the Boston and Maine Train!" Hawkeye said.

"What the hell are you doing here in San Francisco?"

"I have a friend that lives in Mill Valley, and the closest airport was in San Francisco. When I was at his place I looked in the phone book to see if I knew anyone and low and behold you were the only John McIntyre."

"Well, it's nice to see you Hawkeye. Please sit down. Have a drink?" Trapper said, taking out a bottle.

"Drinking on the job? Shame on you!" Hawkeye laughed.

"It's not alcohol. It's soda." Trapper said.

"Shame on you for not drinking on the job!" Hawkeye laughed.

"Well, I lost my taste for lighter fluid after I got back." Trapper said.

"What have you been up to?" Hawkeye asked.

"You first." Trapper said.

"Me? Well, after I got back, I got into some stuff during the last few weeks of the war." Hawkeye said. "Watched a woman smother her own child."

"My god!" Trapper exclaimed. "What happened?"

"It was traumatic. I was in a mental hospital for a bit, with Sidney as my doctor. He released me back to the 4077th right when they announced the end of the war." Hawkeye said. "And then I went home, and I picked up with my father's practice, and got to know my patients."

"Well, I got back, me and Louise finally had that son we wanted." Trapper said.

"Great!" Hawkeye said. "How is he?"

"He's in med school right now." Trapper said. "And me and Louise divorced."

"Because of the cheating in Korea?" Hawkeye asked.

"Oh no. We divorced long after my return." Trapper replied.

"Well, that's not as bad as I thought." Hawkeye said. "But you have to tell me, why didn't you leave a note?"

"Remember that ulcer I had? We had that going away party before we realized I wasn't going home?" Trapper asked. "You said your goodbye then, I figured that it was better that way."

"I chased you to Kimpo! The upside was that was where I met your replacement, B.J. Hunnicutt. Great guy." Hawkeye said.

"How did you handle living with Frank as the Commanding Officer?"

"Well, those were a terrible three days. And then he got bumped down and we got a Regular Army Colonel. Sherman Potter, great guy. Him, Klinger and Father Mulcahy all worked at a V.A. after the war."

"Klinger, that reminds me. Did you ever get him out of dresses?"

"Yeah. When he replaced Radar. Which reminds me, you know he's married?"

"Radar? Married? You're kidding!"

"No kidding! Nice girl, though."

Later, Hawkeye and Trapper stood near the entrance to the hospital.

"Hawkeye, it's been great catching up with you."

"Let's not wait thirty years to do it again next time."

"Agreed."

_**The End**_


End file.
